these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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