Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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