I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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