I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
