Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
