just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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