No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
