it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
