My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
