y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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