Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
