Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
