Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Randomize
