I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
