i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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