we made out on top of his cat.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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