The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
