yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
