Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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