I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
