saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize