Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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