Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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