I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
