Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The Olympian is in my bed
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
