Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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