I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
