no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
