I am puke
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
