i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There r osticjed everywhere
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You don't make any sense
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