Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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