Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
