You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
two words...techno handjob
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
