3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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