He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he had hair everywhere except his balls
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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