My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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