forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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