Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
