he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
