I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Randomize
