I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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