Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
