You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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