why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
