My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
