She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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