you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
