She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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