I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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