Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize