i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
