I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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