1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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