I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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