seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
