Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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