He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Randomize
