He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
