True but thats because hes a fetus.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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