FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
