I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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