just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Vodka?
Forever.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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