he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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