It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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