Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We are all done wearing pants today
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
