What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
