my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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