Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
