I wish my penis had an off switch
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
you had me at cake vodka
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
