I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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