No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
